In many mythologies and religious texts, knowing a demon’s name is considered a powerful way to gain control over it and potentially conquer it. Do you know what I found out? It’s the same for our inner state!

Up till a few years ago, I often described my feelings as sad, angry, happy and… okay. Then I met a few individuals who taught me about self compassion and Non-Violent Communication (NVC), which I will share more about in upcoming blog entries. Part of the practice of self compassion and NVC is identifying our feelings and I really struggled to name my feelings.

Me: I feel angry.

Them: What kind of angry?

Me: What do you mean what kind of angry?

Them: Are you annoyed? Furious? Frustrated? Rage?

Me: I have no idea. Aren’t they all the same?

Well, I couldn’t really answer them. To me, anger was simply anger—nothing more, nothing less.

That’s when I realised I had been unconsciously suppressing all my emotions, finding it easier to bundle them together. I never took the time to process the intensity of my feelings or understand what was driving them.

Recognising that I may not have the necessary knowledge or skills for effective introspection, they introduced me to the Feelings Wheel. (This was before I am diagnosed with mental health condition.)

If this is your first time seeing the Feelings Wheel, congratulations! Your life is about to take a positive turn if you apply it!

Names hold power, and the same applies to our emotions. Knowing their names gives us a sense of control and clarity—I speak from experience.

Here’s the process I use now (after many trial and errors) when an emotion arises:

1. How intense is this emotion?
2. What are the possible names for what I’m feeling?
3. Why am I feeling this way?

From there, I narrow down the options until I identify the emotion that truly resonates. Once I can name it, I regain a sense of control.

Next, I ask myself:

• What are my needs in this moment? What truly matters?
• What actions can I take to address those needs?

Following the above process allows me to respond with intention rather than react impulsively.

I also check in with my eight other personalities’ feelings through this process. While some require more effort, others are still in the process of breaking down their walls.

You probably guessed it—this process can be long and challenging, even for just one person. It requires discipline and complete honesty with yourself. Although it can be a pain in the ass, the outcome is very rewarding! Also, the more you practice, the faster and better you get at it!

This has been a key factor in my trauma healing journey. It has also helped me strengthen my relationship with myself and those around me. Believe it or not, try it yourself!

I hope one day you’d experience the benefits in your life too. Till the next time, be safe and be happy!