Key word, “was”. Shocking, innit?

How did I get into debt? I was scammed.

This happened back in year 2022, when my condition was not yet stabilised.

Honestly, it wasn’t even any sophisticated plan to scam me.

I saw all the red flags and I remembered telling my selves to snap out of it. But we thought we were smarter and more cunning. So we kept going. As if six feet underground wasn’t deep enough, we dug even more. To give you an analogy, you know how at one point of time our parents were telling us all the red flags they see in the person we are dating but we just refuse to listen and think we are right and we’d prove them wrong? (Only to find out later that we are young and stupid?)

I felt like the parent in the analogy. I saw the red flags. I sounded the alarm. I could clearly see that we were heading right into a brick wall. Yet, we refused to see where we were headed, believing that we have a skull thicker than the brick wall. Before I knew it, we were SGD40,000 in debt with multiple banks. This was when I came to acknowledge that, “I need to stop this madness and I am unable to stop myself. I need help.“

So the moment I had control of our consciousness, I went straight to my husband and I reported the incident as if I wasn’t the one who caused it but damnit, even if it was my alter(s) who caused it, it is me to have be responsible for our actions and shoulder the consequence. I know this sounds a bit crazy but you’ve been coming back to read my entries, you gotta accept that my life is anything but ordinary.

My husband gave me a good scolding. Even though I felt unfair about it, I had to suck it up. I’m grateful that the scolding didn’t last long. Perhaps he got a sense that it was not me me that screwed this shit up. Instead of condemning me, my husband switched into his problem solving mode to help me plan my next steps. So we filed a police report and we sat down to plan for the bank loan repayment. The police never did follow up with my case. Apparently, there were too many stupid people like me and it was hard to trace these scammers.

That night after confessing to my husband, I had a round table session with my alters in our common space. I was conscious about the fact that we were all aware that it was a scam. So why? I didn’t want to find out who did it because I didn’t want this to turn personal but I needed to understand why. After much back and forth, the answer I got was because they were still angry at me and since they failed to break me by breaking my marriage, they decided to screw me over with a financial crisis.

I can’t tell you how much I felt like flipping the tables on them in the moment but it also taught me a valuable lesson. Until the day I learn to work with my alters and let them know that I’m not their enemy and neither are they mine, we’d keep self sabotaging till death do us part. So I can either clean up the mess we are now or clean up the mess we’d make if I continue ignore the mess we are. I chose the former because I don’t want to live a fearful life, constantly worrying about what kind of harm are we going to do to ourselves. Worst still, to my loved ones.

Coming to the end of this now, I just want to share that I’ve repaid my loans and I’m finally debt free now after two years! It took a lot of discipline and sacrifice for sure. I am very grateful towards my husband for working out my finances with me and fully shouldering our household expenses during this period of time. I am also thankful that my alters are working together with me now. I won’t be able to pull through without any of their help and cooperation.

Well, as always, we learn and we move on. So gone are the days in debt. We now welcome the days of wealth accumulation!