Greetings from Bintan!

I have a piece of good news to share.

I’ll be officially discharged from my therapy treatment in six months time. I’m currently on an open date arrangement for the next six months.

My therapist first brought up the idea of discharging to me in July this year. She told me that through her observations and clinical tests, I’m ready and well enough to be discharged. Most importantly, I’ve achieved my therapy goals. To be honest, I was pleasantly surprised.

Tears flowed down my face.

It’s not like I can’t bear to leave my therapist. It’s more like tears of disbelief. 3 years ago, I thought this was going to be like a life sentence for me. I thought I’d lose everything – the love of my life, my dreams, my career and even myself. I realised I was crying happy tears. I can’t believe I made it.

Looking back at these past 3.5 years, there has been a lot of downs during my healing journey. Just when I thought I couldn’t drop any further and deeper, each therapy session simply proved me wrong. Sometimes, there is seemingly no end to the hole I was in.

Have I thought of giving up?
Hell yes, every single time.

Have I regretted receiving therapy treatment?
No.

Would I do it all over again if I have a choice?
I’m not wishing for it but yes, I’d do it all over again.

Is it really worth it? It’s hard to share it in words but the peace I’m feeling now is worth every blood, sweat and tears I shed during the journey. This peace, self confidence and strength are things that will stay with me throughout my life. Going through tough shit like that brings a lot of things into new perspectives too. It empowered me to make decisions with wisdom and courage. I learnt a lot about myself in this process.

Is my life back to normal? I don’t think I’m normal to begin with. I don’t fancy living life by the blueprint. So I guess not. Are my alters still around or are they ‘gone’? It’s a hard question to answer. I believe I’ve integrated with some of them (like Yolanda and Athena) while some of them are still around. Regardless, we are living in harmony now and I can’t ask for more.

So does this mean Yolanda and Athena have ‘died’? No, I beg to differ. It’s more like we, as a whole, have evolved. Does that mean I (Faith) have changed? Yea, I have. I now have Yolanda and Athena’s strengths. The same is for them, in their perspective, they now have my strengths too.

Will I consider going for therapy to do a full integration then? Not at the moment. I’m going to let nature plays its course for now (:

I’m so glad I survived. I can live to tell the tale now.

I will continue to share my experiences from my healing journey and much more. If you have any questions, please feel free to comment down below too. I’d do my best to share based on my own personal experience but do note that they should not be taken as professional advices.

Till then, I wish you healing and happiness. Take care!